You can never forget someone you love. Clichéd but it is still true. You can never go back to the previous moment when you were strangers; whether for good or bad is another story. As time flies by, your memory turns blurry and eventually there comes a time, when the person in the present, is nowhere close to what you remembered. It is difficult to forget someone completely as you carry their memories around, as you keep their thoughts around, and sometimes out of nowhere, you think of them…smile to yourself or find a tear tickling down your cheek.
Doesn’t it scare you…the fading memory…the fact that you are missing the details…that you are just projecting on them…that they have changed…that you have changed! Philosophize all you want in whatever way, at the end of the day you know it is not the same anymore, that you are not a part of a daily life. I have this weird insecurity gripping me as the days goes by; I do not know if I have gotten over it. I do not know if I ever can. I do not know what is worse; this subjective feeling that I have about you or the general apathy that consumes me otherwise.
I was once told, you could feel only as secure as the others make you. Maybe it is true or not. I will not deny that I accuse you of not trying; how much ever I would like to say it otherwise, I know it would be a blatant lie if I did say that to be at peace with you. The sad reality is that peace cannot be kept by force. I could not force myself to be at peace; neither could you. It will take forever if we try to validate the reasons because reasons do not dictate feelings.
Time and distance are for the bold, remember reading it somewhere and naïvely believed that I would be able to deal with it. They exaggerate it, you know; I have learned that the hard way. Time, I do not think makes much of a difference though; refused. Distance, yes, would make a difference. Short-term distance is romanticized; it is glamorous I must say. It is nice to disappear for a while. Long-term distances are disruptive most of the times, slim chances that it will work out to your advantage. Time and distance put together are a complete disaster. Add the busy lifestyle and a million other people around and things worsen exponentially. It is so easy to understand theoretically that though you are the nucleus of the atom of my universe; and the space is comfortable but crowded. It does not translate into reality. There is something more that you need; I admit that I am not self-actualized enough to see you in everything. Did you not know that all this while? Didn’t I know that you would the space around that tiny universe and you would stay regardless of my existential crisis?
But the fact remains, memory fades, face blurs… and the person becomes yet another shadow in you. Only remembered when the sun shines… too close for comfort!